


The Things We Have Lost

by momoxtoshiro



Category: Little Witch Academia
Genre: Diakko, Dianakko, F/F, Years later au, but this one is oof and it's not my fav kind of genre orz, moved from ffnet, tbh you can skip this one uweh im only moving it over to move all my lwas over, this one is a bit heavy and delicate and angsty cuz it's Neon's au lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-11
Updated: 2020-06-11
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:15:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24655189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/momoxtoshiro/pseuds/momoxtoshiro
Summary: They were going to have a child. That had been their dream. But not all dreams come true. [Years Later AU, for theneonflower!][Moved over from FFnet]
Relationships: Diana Cavendish & Atsuko "Akko" Kagari, Diana Cavendish/Atsuko "Akko" Kagari
Comments: 4
Kudos: 18





	The Things We Have Lost

**Author's Note:**

> Set in theneonflower's Years Later AU. If you're familiar with the AU, this is later in their relationship, when Akko has returned and is working alongside Diana at Luna Nova. I have other Years Later fics in my collection Every Second, but this one was long enough to be its own story.
> 
> It deals with very heavy themes so please be warned.
> 
> This is the fic Neon chose for their birthday, so as such, I am dedicating it to them! Happy Birthday, Neon! Thanks for all your amazing art and writing contributions to the LWA fandom and for being such an awesome, productive person in general!
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Little Witch Academia.

* * *

The Things We Have Lost

They had discussed it in detail, for weeks on end, weighing the potential consequences against the better possibilities.

They had spent tireless hours considering, reading up on the procedures and exams that would be required, and the resources they would need to implement.

And it's been rather difficult for Akko and Diana to keep this all a secret from their closest friends, but the last thing they want to do is reveal a secret as enormous as this, only to go back on it later.

So they discuss it for another day, another week, another month.

Until finally, they come to a surefire decision.

They are going to have a child.

All of their free time when they aren't teaching or performing their jobs at Luna Nova are spent at the hospital, having long talks with nurses and doctors who are confident enough about the possibility of the couple bearing a child. Through processes involving magic and science combined, it is entirely possible, and has already been done before with almost guaranteed success.

Akko has always expressed uncertainty about being pregnant. Diana and all of their friends agree that it wouldn't seem like something Akko would enjoy. In fact, when the thought of it was proposed, Diana could tell her wife was downright terrified by the idea.

But Diana has no qualms with being the one to become pregnant.

Naturally, Akko and the doctors alike had expressed concern about the idea, considering Diana's health. Though her old wounds no longer put such a great amount of strain on her body, it is still inevitable that they could factor into posing higher risks during something as delicate as this.

Akko was so worried about the idea of Diana bearing their child that at one point, she'd offered to do it herself, despite how unnerving the idea was to her. But that is just how dearly she cares for Diana.

However, Diana cares for Akko as well, and she wasn't about to allow her to do something that went against every aspect of her comfort zone.

So they talked more, long hours into longer nights, until Diana had reassured her wife that she was willing and able to become pregnant. The doctors conducted multiple examinations to ensure her body was strong and healthy enough to endure this procedure without having any detrimental effects on Diana herself.

Only after every last shred of doubt had been removed from Akko's mind had she finally agreed to it.

And so, they were going to have a child.

. . .

That had been their dream.

But not all dreams come true.

. . .

It is during the magical insemination when they find out.

Diana is lying in her hospital bed, with Akko clutching tightly to both of her hands, excitedly and nervously kissing her whenever she can.

Everything has been going perfectly smoothly up until this point.

But then, the main doctor raises her head, pausing the highly advanced spell she'd cast over Diana in order to numb her pain.

And Akko can see it in the woman's face long before she says it.

"Something isn't right."

And Akko's heart stops. She freezes with her arms wrapped around Diana, and her fingers begin to tremble.

"W... Wh-What do you...?"

She can't look at her wife. She's too scared. But she can feel Diana reach up to clutch at her arm, her breath shaking.

The doctor keeps the spell immobilized and looks to both women with the utmost regret in her eyes.

"Our previous examinations didn't reveal as much to us. I'm deeply sorry it's taken this long, and that you've gotten this far into it before we could inform you."

"W... What?" Akko's voice is barely audible. It is the voice of a person about to break. "Tell us what?"

The doctor wipes an arm across her face and sighs.

"Miss Cavendish... you are sterile."

The world stops for both of them.

Akko's tight hold on her wife loosens into something limp and lacking warmth.

She is beyond shocked, beyond dismayed.

How... can this be happening?

They've come this far.

They've been through so much already.

They _deserve_ this child.

They _deserve_ this happiness in their lives.

Diana doesn't say anything. She doesn't even breathe.

Akko still can't look at her. She's too scared about what she might find in her eyes.

So she keeps her attention on the doctor, who is still focusing on her halted spell. Akko's voice remains a whisper.

"No..." She feels as though she wants to cry, but no tears are coming. " _No_. That can't be right. We've... we've done _everything_ -"

"My deepest apologies," the woman repeats. "But our tests up until now have not shown this. It is only now we can discern for certain, but it is the unfortunate truth." With this, the woman looks to Diana. "Would you like me to cancel the spell? There... is a procedure we can attempt to make you fertile once again with magic. But it has a very low success rate, and could pose a threat to your life."

Akko feels a bone-rattling shudder shoot up her spine.

"Cancel it!" she shouts.

But the doctor does nothing yet, still awaiting Diana's response.

Akko hovers beside her wife, still suspended in this suffocating atmosphere.

Diana hasn't moved, hasn't blinked, hasn't breathed.

She's just... numb.

She tries to lift her head from the pillow, but a sudden dizziness slams against the inside of her skull.

And then, there's a sharp pain in her stomach, as though a sword has carved through her. A gasp falls from her lips, and a tear slips down each of her cheeks before her eyes fall shut, and her consciousness fades with terrifying rapidity.

"Diana?!" Akko holds her firmly, but her wife's weight is dead in her arms. Frantically, she begs the doctor again. "Cancel the spell!"

This time the woman does as ordered. She cancels the spell that otherwise would have one day granted them a child, and will now give them nothing but sorrow.

The doctor remains to check Diana over, and ensure Akko she has passed out due to the shock and pain of hearing the terrible news.

"She will wake again soon," she tells her. "I've cast another spell to ease the physical pain. However... I would advise you both to get some help. Counseling, perhaps. But do not try to deal with this grief alone."

And with that, she leaves them be.

Akko is lost.

She doesn't know what to do.

The dream they've been sharing for months now, the thing they've been striving towards for so long...

In just a few seconds, it's all collapsed right in front of her.

Something that had once been precarious had become almost ensured.

But now, even though it had been so stable, so concrete an option, it has crumbled anyway.

_Why?_

Haven't they suffered enough...?

She tries to scream, tries to cry, but nothing comes out.

Perhaps the cruelest part in all of this is not that the world has snatched away Akko's dream of having a child with the love of her life, but that it will not even permit her to express her grief.

She _wants_ to cry. She _wants_ to scream.

But nothing. Just nothing.

 _Broken_ doesn't even begin to describe how she feels.

 _Hopeless_ isn't enough.

 _Devastated_ isn't enough.

It just feels like nothing matters.

All her life, there had been _something_.

And now, there's just nothing.

It's unfair. It's cruel. She doesn't deserve this.

But even more than that, _Diana_ doesn't deserve this.

Akko lifts her head from her wife's shoulder and looks her over.

Her pallor that was so vibrant and flushed just moments ago has become sickeningly pale. Her head hangs limply to one side, the trails of her tears still clinging to her cheeks.

Akko shakes her head.

"No... it's _not fair._.."

Her knees buckle, and she throws her weight onto the side of the bed, clinging to Diana – to the only thing she has left.

That's how it feels. She's lost so much, but...

But at least she still has Diana.

Her stomach twists. She feels wretched for her previous thoughts, letting herself believe there was nothing left for her to live for. She still has her wife, her friends, her students, her fans...

She still has so much.

She needs to be strong, for all of their sakes, as well as for her own.

Still, Akko cannot cry. She simply curls herself over Diana while her body is racked by dry, heaving hiccups, things that shake her from the inside out.

Part of her is relieved Diana has lost consciousness. At the very least, she does not have to feel this wretched pain.

But Akko's scared. _So_ scared.

She's lived through too many instances when Diana's eyes have closed and she hasn't opened them again for far too long. She's seen it happen too many times already. She needs her to wake up.

"D...Diana..."

She rests her head over Diana's pulse. It's still there, still irregular, but it's fast. Very fast.

She can't even imagine the immense physical and emotional distress Diana must have suffered through in those few seconds before she'd passed out.

Akko can count on one hand the amount of times Diana has ever passed out, and they have only been life-threatening situations.

The fact that _this_ is how much pain she'd felt...

That Diana had been under enough strain for her mind and body to shut down completely...

Akko can't bear it. She clings to her precious wife, calling out for her, still unable to cry. Akko cradles her head, kisses her softly, waits for her eyes to open.

There is a dark part of her mind that tells her Diana won't open her eyes anymore.

This is a part of herself that's been embedded there for longer than she cares to admit, part of herself that's plagued by the nightmares of the past. She's paranoid now, that despite the strength she _knows_ Diana is capable of, even the slightest thing could take her wife away from her forever.

"N-No... no..."

Akko won't believe it. She refuses.

Diana _will_ wake up again...

Right?

She has to...

"P-Please..."

Akko encircles her arms around the girl she's loved for so many years, her palms covering the scar on Diana's back while her cheek rests against the one on her chest. Diana's heart is still beating, thumping its peculiar rhythm beneath her ear, but it's becoming slower now.

Akko listens, waits.

Again, that dark part of herself rears its ugly head and tells her soon, Diana's heart will stop beating altogether.

_No! She's going to wake up!_

A rush of stinging emotion swells up behind her nose and eyes, and she thinks she might finally be allowed the liberation of tears. But still, her eyes remain painfully dry.

"Diana... Diana..."

Her vision becomes cloudy, and Akko isn't sure whether or not she passes out herself.

But the next thing she knows, there is a hand running lightly across her forehead, quivering, touching her skin with barely enough force to be considered contact at all.

Akko raises her head, blinking, not knowing if this is real or not.

But the blue in Diana's eyes is something that's only ever existed in reality. Not in her worst nightmares or even her better dreams are Diana's eyes ever this blue.

But now, despite their unforgettable color, they are ridden with so many things.

Fear.

Guilt.

Pain.

All things Akko has promised to help Diana avoid.

She know she's failed her in the worst way this time.

"D...Diana..."

Only now do the tears come.

Only now, when Diana is awake, living and existing in this cruel world with her, consciously experiencing this debilitating numbness.

But Diana won't cry.

Akko wishes she would. She _wishes_.

But she doesn't cry.

Diana merely stares at her – no, _through_ her – down to her own stomach. Her vision fogs over, and for a second a red mist fills the room-

" _Ah_ -!"

Another surge of agony rips through her, cutting her breath short before she's even drawn it.

Akko immediately tightens her hold on Diana, fearing she might convulse and hurt herself.

"D-Diana?! Wh-What-?"

Akko jolts upright and turns her head to the door, prepared to call for the doctors again.

But a thin, feeble voice stops her.

"This... is _his_ doing..."

Diana barely has the breath to speak, but the words force their way out.

With a hollow hole yawning in her chest, Akko slowly turns back to her wife. The tears are spilling down Diana's face now, and they don't stop. Another jolt runs through her, and her eyes fall shut once again.

Akko buries her face in her wife's neck and howls.

. . .

It all make sense after that.

That this is all because of him.

The sorcerer.

The one who had nearly killed Diana multiple times now.

If only Akko had managed to kill him first, none of this ever would have happened.

If she'd succeeded back on that day so many years ago, Diana never would have been pierced through by the poison tip of his tail. Her body wouldn't be permanently scarred, and her heart wouldn't beat irregularly.

Diana never would have been stabbed a _second_ time through the very same wound by the woman whom she'd learned so much from. She never would have had to suffer through such unspeakable agony in absolutely every form.

And _this_ never would have happened either.

It all make sense now.

That sorcerer exists only for the purpose of seeking power, and anyone who stands in his way is marked. A target will sit on their backs until he has killed them, or they have killed him.

And the marks on Akko's and Diana's back are visible ones.

The poison in his tail hadn't only nearly taken Diana's life. It had succeeded in ensuring she would never be able to create life herself.

The poison sees to it that the people who try to kill him will be unable to bear offspring that may long for the same thing.

This, along with so many other forms of suffering, is their punishment for crossing him.

Akko knows it is all her fault.

If she had just... aimed a little more accurately...

If she had just killed him with that first shot-

But now, it's too late.

This is the reality she must live with.

One where she is tortured mentally as much as Diana is physically.

But Akko still wishes she could take Diana's pain, too.

Because it's all her fault...

. . .

She's sitting in bed now.

The lights are all off, the candles are all out. Diana is still and quiet beside her.

Coming back from the hospital that evening hadn't felt real. None of today had.

And yet, there remains to be an undeniable realness about it all.

They can still feel, but they are still numb.

They have barely spoken a word to one another for hours now.

They don't know what to say. They don't know what to do. They don't know how to react to this – to the most devastating results to the dream they have been so eagerly anticipating for so many months.

Needless to say, neither of them has eaten. Akko had only managed to drink some water, but Diana hadn't touched it.

They'd gotten dressed for bed separately, and by the time Akko had emerged from the bathroom, Diana was already lying in bed with her back turned to her. Akko had come to sit quietly beside her.

She knows Diana isn't asleep.

She knows neither of them will sleep tonight, or perhaps ever again.

It isn't fair.

The world continues turning, life continues thriving.

But not for them. Not in the way they'd been hoping for.

Akko remains sitting up for a long while. She hunches forward and buries her face in her palms, but doesn't cry. She can't hear any sounds from Diana, not even the usual softness of her breath.

Akko tries to swallow but can't.

The pain of all of this only seems to be getting worse as time goes on, and the finality of it all sinks in deeper and deeper, dragging them down along with it. She fears it might keep dragging them until they drown completely.

_No..._

Akko won't let that happen.

She'll do whatever she can.

She might have lost something today, but she still has plenty more to live for.

That's what she has to keep reminding herself.

And she needs to make Diana understand that as well.

Somehow.

There hasn't been a night they've spent together in all these years when they haven't gone to bed without telling one another they loved them.

Akko can only imagine the extreme exhaustion Diana must have suffered through today, on every possible level. Even if it might not be Diana's will to fall asleep, it's very likely her body might simply shut down again due to that enervation.

Akko needs to tell her first, before that happens.

She gathers her bearings and her breath, counting her inhales, wondering if now would be a good time to try and speak.

But she waits.

Maybe now.

Maybe the next one...

It takes her a long time.

But finally, she lifts her head, and her cracked voice breaks the silence that's been hanging so heavily over them.

"I love you, Diana..."

It's all she can manage. She just hopes it's enough.

She waits, her eyes tracing the curve of her wife's stiff shoulders, down the slope of her side and hip where the bedsheets cover her.

She waits.

Waits.

She knows Diana might not say it back tonight.

Not because she doesn't love her, but because she is simply too hurt by everything.

It may just be that she can't bring herself to speak.

Akko waits.

Waits.

And then, Diana's body begins to tremble.

Akko chokes, unsure of what to do as her wife pushes herself to turn over. She isn't crying, but Akko knows she wants to. She just _can't_.

Diana parts her lips, but no sound comes out. All she can do is reach out her hands, but they are shaking so badly she can't keep them up.

Akko lies down on her side facing her, and slips herself into Diana's fragile embrace. She wraps both arms around her back and presses close to her chest, layering kisses over her distraught and heavy heart.

Despite the pain she knows is consuming Diana, Akko can't help but be relieved.

She'd been so afraid that Diana might not respond to her. That she might not look at her anymore. That she might _blame_ Akko for all of this, as Akko blames herself.

Had that been the case, Akko isn't sure what she might've done.

But she doesn't have to think about that anymore.

Because Diana has already forgiven her.

No – she'd never blamed Akko in the first place. That much is perfectly clear.

But that means Diana only blames herself.

And Akko can't let her. She won't.

So she stays close, kissing her wife as much as she can, tasting the salty wetness of tears on her skin. She holds Diana more tightly than she ever has before, until their hearts are pounding as one.

The embrace Diana gives her in return is meek and shaky, as though she lacks the physical strength for it.

But she's trying.

She's _trying_ to keep Akko close.

She isn't pushing her away. She doesn't want her to go.

That's all Akko could have asked for in this situation.

So all she can do now is stay close, for as long as Diana needs her to.

Even if it takes years.

Even if it takes the rest of their lives, she won't leave her.

So long as Diana is willing to keep her there, Akko won't leave her.

Akko can feel the dampness in her shirt from where Diana is crying into the fabrics. She herself is creating a stain in Diana's nightgown as well.

But there's something to be said for even this. Crying together is a privilege.

Akko doesn't let her go. She kisses her as much as she can and whispers her name, over and over.

"I love you, Diana... I love you..."

And Diana still can't speak in response.

But now, as Akko feels the weight of the day's events pulling her down, she can _feel_ Diana's response. Her trembling fingers clutch Akko's back, over the old scar, and with her index fingernail, Diana begins to trace out letters.

Akko's conscious slips away from her just as she makes sense of the words.

They're supposed to say _I love you, too._

But it's something else.

Akko tries to stay awake.

But she has no choice in the matter. She has no strength left.

She slips under against her will, her mind fading into darkness as Diana's response registers on her back:

_I am sorry._

And then nothing.

* * *

. . .

Akko had just been so enervated.

Falling asleep hadn't been her intention, especially not when Diana was like that.

She isn't sure how long she's been asleep for, but when her conscious does finally return, she is tense.

Even before she's opened her eyes, she can tell it is still deep into the night, as she can sense the darkness all around her.

She can't remember anything other than the words Diana had traced into her back – words of regret, words of extreme guilt and precarious vulnerability.

But the thing that terrifies her the most is the fact that she is cold.

 _Cold_ in a bed where there should be another person here with her.

Akko's eyes fly open.

Diana's scent lingers on her pillow, but Akko is alone. The space where her wife had once rested beside her is lacking any warmth whatsoever.

She could have left hours ago.

Frantically, Akko pushes herself up, her head spinning, heart in her throat as she lifts her left hand into view. Her ring is still glowing, which means wherever Diana may be, she is still breathing.

But Akko knows how high a risk Diana is at right now. The grief she's suffering isn't allowing her to think as she normally would. There's a very high possibility that she could do something to harm herself.

_And I fell asleep when she was like this!_

Angered at herself and terrified for Diana, Akko throws the blankets off and tears herself out of bed.

"Diana!"

Her voice splits through an eerily silent room.

Her wife is nowhere to be seen.

Akko dashes for the window, but it doesn't seem to have been touched. Diana's clothes are still all in her drawers, but her wand is missing. Evidence suggests she had gone in what she'd already been wearing, which meant she'd been extremely desperate to leave.

Akko had never understood until now.

The nauseating terror Diana must have felt when Akko herself had disappeared.

No – when she'd _left_ her.

This sickening fear that feels like burning bricks in her stomach, this seizing terror that grips her heart and shakes it violently.

This is what Diana had lived with every day and night for so many months of her life.

Akko is swept over with guilt herself now that she understands a part of what Diana had suffered in her absence.

But she can't let that guilt consume her. Not now.

She needs to find Diana before-

She isn't going to think about it.

Akko grabs her own wand, but doesn't bother to change her clothes either as she turns and prepares to head for the main door.

But before she can make it there, something catches her eye.

Their bathroom door is closed, but there is no light coming from inside. Akko races to it so quickly she nearly crashes into it.

"Diana? Are you in there?" She rattles the handle, but it's locked from the inside. Her voice shrieks in terror. " _Diana?!_ "

Too many possibilities flood her mind all at once. Too many terrible, unbearable things she doesn't want to consider.

"Diana, please!"

Akko moves back a pace, then hurls herself at the door with more than enough force to break it.

But it holds fast.

This tells her magic has been cast upon it.

And if the spell is still holding strong, at the very least, it means the caster is still alive to maintain it.

A drop of relief finds itself in the ocean of panic that is filling her chest, but Akko isn't about to stop here.

She draws her wand and aims it at the door, trying every unlocking spell and magic-weakening incantation she's ever learned in her life.

But none of them work.

She's always known Diana's magic is more powerful than her own, and that her vast knowledge of spells is beyond the few hundred Akko herself has mastered.

But she soon realizes there's nothing she can do to open this door.

The only way it will ever be opened is if Diana lets her in.

So that is what Akko begs for.

"Diana! Let me in! D-Diana..."

The adamance in her tone cracks in seconds, faltering under the weight of the fear. She presses herself as close as she possibly can, nails clawing into the wood of the door.

She can barely hear anything other than the pounding in her own head. But there is a very faint, _very_ fragile sound coming from the other side of the door.

Diana has never been one to cry often. Whenever she can, she tries to suppress it.

But the times when it does overcome her, she never likes to have others see.

To Diana, tears are a sign of weakness, and _weak_ is something she can't afford to let people know she is.

She's only ever cried in front of extremely close friends and Akko before. And even that had taken time before Diana had become honest enough with herself to let Akko see her cry freely.

But for her to be hiding now, even from her wife...

Her whimpers sound strangled and thick, like she's been crying so hard, but trying _so_ desperately to stay quiet that she hasn't been able to breathe properly. She hadn't wanted to wake Akko, so she had stayed quiet.

But now that Diana knows her wife has woken and come to get her, she lets out a much louder sob.

"A-Akko..."

Her voice is choked, weighed down by the most indescribable misery. Sheer agony.

The only light in the room is the glow from her wand, keeping the spell in place to secure the door from her side of it.

Akko beats her fists against the door from the other side, pleading.

"Diana... please let me in... I-I..."

And Diana almost cracks. She's been clinging onto the edge of the sink all this time, repulsed by her own reflection, struggling to stay on her feet.

At the sound of Akko's call, she lifts her wand.

The spell falters for a split second.

Akko notices and prepares to push her way through.

But Diana reenforces the spell a second later, and Akko is met with similar results. Her shoulder is bruising over, but part of her is almost grateful for that pain. She feels she deserves it, considering what Diana must be experiencing right now.

" _Diana!_ " Akko presses herself close again and scratches at the door until her fingernails being to break and bleed. "Please! Diana, I _need_ you..."

Diana had almost let her in. But the fact that she'd changed her mind at the last second tells Akko that her sorrow is even stronger than her resolve. And her resolve has always been second to none.

All she hears as a response is more sobbing on Diana's end.

More sounds of grief.

More sounds of pain.

And then three familiar words, choked out on a dangerously thin breath:

" _I am sorry..._ "

There is a finality about those words that strikes Akko through the heart. It would be all too easy for Diana to do something drastic right now.

Akko desperately tries to prevent something like that before it might happen.

"Diana! _Please_ let me in! I-I'm _here_ for you... You're not alone... You'll never be alone. I-I'll always be here... S-So _please_..."

She sniffles, wipes the salty rivulets from her cheeks, and gives another push to the door.

But it still doesn't budge.

From what she can tell, Diana tries to make a response of some kind.

But whatever words she'd been about to say are cut off by a horrible cough.

A shudder ripples up Akko's spine as she's forced to listen to the sound of her wife retching due to how deeply this sorrow is hurting her.

It's _agonizing_ , to hear Diana's breathless sobs and forceful coughs, and not be able to do a single thing about it. To not be able to hold her through it all.

All she can do is talk to her, but when she's not there beside her, her words feel like empty promises.

"D-Diana... it'll be okay... S-Somehow... we'll be okay..."

Akko feels sick enough to vomit as well, but it just doesn't escalate that much. Something keeps her stomach where it should be, because she knows she can't afford to worry about herself right now.

Diana still needs her. Now more than ever.

And Akko needs her, too.

"Please..."

Her voice tumbles out as the tears spill down her cheeks. Her knees buckle.

"P-Please... Diana..."

She slumps to the ground, sobbing bitterly and fearfully, with her entire body. The sobs rattle her from the inside out as she's forced to listen to more of Diana's painful coughing and heaving breaths.

And yet, her wife is still able to maintain the spell through it all.

 _That_ is how adamant Diana is about not wanting Akko to see her like this.

Akko can't find many other words to use anymore. But she puts every emotion she knows into each of them.

"Diana... Diana... _please_..."

_Don't do this to yourself._

_I'm here._

_I love you._

Though she doesn't say these things explicitly, Akko prays Diana can understand.

Akko can't keep her eyes open any longer. She's overcome with gripping trepidation - the feeling that something bad is going to happen to her wife right on the other side of this door, and she won't be able to do anything about it.

"P-Please..." she whispers. "D-Diana... _I need you_..."

Akko hasn't spoken or used magic. But the glow of the spell around the door suddenly disappears in that moment.

Gasping, Akko scrambles to her feet, her heart pounding in heavy terror.

Had Diana canceled the spell herself? Or-

Adrenaline shoots through her veins as Akko hurls herself at the wooden barrier between them, nearly splintering the door and throwing it off its hinges a she plows through.

" _Diana!_ "

Her wife is there, crumpled on the floor, her wand having fallen from her pale fingers.

For a split second, Akko sees red.

Blood.

The unthinkable has happened.

The grief has consumed Diana.

She has taken her own life-

" _No!_ "

Akko rushes to her partner, her classmate, the love of her life. She collapses hard on her knees and holds Diana close.

And then the image of blood is gone.

Akko's paranoid mind relinquishes its hold on her, and the horrifying images fade.

Left in their place is Diana, weak and sobbing, but alive. Her eyes are distraught almost to a point of melancholy. Her voice is so thin and soft it somehow fills Akko's ears perfectly.

"A-Akko..."

And Akko can only wail out of relief now.

Because for a moment, she'd _truly_ thought she'd lost her.

Akko clings to her and doesn't let go.

"D-Diana... Dia... na..."

She'd been so scared. She can't stop crying now. She can't stop.

Her sobs are loud, coming from the pit of her stomach and making her throat ache. She chokes on the rawness of it all, shaking so badly she feels she might fall apart.

But she doesn't let go of Diana. Never again.

Diana realizes this has gone too far. She knows what Akko had feared of her just now. Her heart strikes painfully, filling Diana with an even more terrible guilt than she'd suffered before.

Not only had she robbed Akko of the chance of having a child. Now she'd made her think she'd hurt herself.

Fragments of sounds fall from her lips into Akko's shoulder.

"Ah... Akko... I'm sorry... I'm so sorry..."

She can't apologize enough. She keeps apologizing, but it will never be enough.

Her words are quiet whispers beneath Akko's caterwauls.

It takes a long time for Akko to calm down again, to realize she hasn't lost Diana. Reality settles in an unsettling way, like a blanket resting over her, and she's not sure if it will keep her safe or suffocate her.

But some part of her mind still suffers from the trauma inflicted ever since Diana had first been wounded by the sorcerer.

Akko can still taste the tang of blood sometimes even if it isn't really there.

Now is one of those times. She needs to be sure.

She eases back only enough to glimpse her wife in the darkness. Diana is so pale, so sick with regret and grief and sorrow. Akko has calmed herself down enough now to be able to cup her wife's cheek, brushing her thumb over the trails of her tears.

Akko finds Diana's hands and lifts them one at a time to inspect her wrists, but there is no blood on either of them. With a deep sigh, Akko rests her forehead against Diana's.

"Thank goodness..."

But Diana shakes her head, pulling herself away.

"Akko... I-I... I'm so sorry..."

"No..." Akko pulls her back in, like she's comforting a frightened child. "No... you don't h-have to be... Please don't be..." She hugs her – tightly – feeling her own pulse pounding over Diana's. Diana's is still erratic, jolting with its arrhythmia every few seconds. Akko presses her palm against Diana's collar, to confirm that her heart is still beating. "I'm just... so glad you didn't leave me..."

Diana chokes again.

"I-I would never..."

"I know. I just... couldn't help but think you might have... And I... I'm sorry, too. Because I left you... I'm... I'm sorry, Diana..."

Akko breaks down again, more softly this time, trying to get ahold of herself more quickly. She knows Diana needs her now. And Akko needs to be here for her.

She wipes her eyes again, then touches her wand in her lap.

" _Iryalis_."

It's a small spell, but one she knows they both need right now.

Soft blue light leaks from the tip of her wand and begins to rise up around the both of them. It is a cleansing spell.

At the very least, it takes the acidic taste out of Diana's mouth from when she'd been ill earlier. Diana is grateful for the mellow taste it leaves behind.

The spell dries their tears, but it isn't long before fresh ones resurface and drip down.

If only it could do something about the internal turmoil.

The spell soon fades, and the acrid tinge of nausea is now absent from Diana's mouth and throat.

Akko can breathe a little easier now, but Diana is still struggling in that regard. Her heart is still hammering roughly beneath Akko's palm, and now that Akko has stopped shaking so much, she realizes Diana is the one trembling.

The stress of all of this is too much for her. Akko knows she can't afford it. Her heart is already delicate enough as it is.

Akko's hand slides up to Diana's face once again, and she brushes their noses together.

"Diana... I'm here..."

Her wife nods, grateful for the verbal reassurances, since she hasn't been able to open her eyes for quite some time now. Akko cradles Diana's head to her chest and begins to run her hands all along her back, pressing tenderly over her scar.

"You... You don't have to be alone with this, Diana. You're not alone anymore. I'm here..."

Diana's fingers curl helplessly into Akko's shirt, barely able to make purchase at all sometimes. Her voice is still strangled, her pulse still thick.

"I'm sorry..."

Akko gently kisses her temple.

"I told you, you don't have to be."

Diana whimpers in the back of her throat.

"But... it... th-this... is my fault..." Her voice is a thin, cracked wail, rising up and spilling out like a dribbling fountain. "I-It is all my f-fault... Because I am damaged... Because I am not _strong_ enough to-"

"Diana!" Akko tugs her into her arms and doesn't let go. She won't allow Diana to finish that sentence. "You're not..." she croaks. "You're not _damaged_... Not at all. It isn't your fault..."

"But it is..." she weeps. " _It is_..."

"No..." Akko strokes through her thick, wavy hair. She can still feel Diana's heart slamming against her chest. "No... Diana... l-listen to me... Just breathe."

Diana tries. She tries her best to do just that. Akko encourages her with a voice that's still broken, but gradually beginning to mend.

"Diana... listen to me... We didn't... _lose_ anything today. See?" Akko gives her another squeeze. " _I'm_ still here. _You're_ still here. It's going to be all right. Maybe... Maybe not tomorrow, o-or even by next week, b-but... someday. _We'll_ be all right."

Diana clings to her until the blood drains from her knuckles.

"But... we _did_..." she rasps. "We lost... we lost our child-"

"No we didn't," Akko soothes her. "We lost the _idea_ of one. And even then... we didn't _really_ lose it. B-Because... I-I can still..."

Diana straightens herself up and finally looks her in the eyes.

"N-No. I-I would never... ask you to do such a thing. When you have... made it very clear it isn't something you are comfortable with."

"B-But... If we really wanted to, I _could_ ," Akko reminds her. "I could be the one to get pregnant."

"No..." she whispers. "We do not... have to do that, Akko..."

"Are you sure? We... we can think about it some more if you want."

But Diana shakes her head again, firmly.

"I would never... want you to do something you would not be entirely comfortable in doing. Please, Akko."

And Akko breathes a small sigh of relief.

"Okay... S-Sorry..."

"Please do not be..."

Diana repeats Akko's words back to her now and pulls her close.

The two witches hide their faces in one another's shoulders and cry.

They sit there on the bathroom floor in the darkness, holding onto one another, and the dreams they still have. The things they haven't lost yet.

Their tears pool around them, glinting in the faint blue glow coming from the end of Akko's wand.

The night passes them by, minute by minute, second by second. It seems the blanket doesn't intend to suffocate them after all.

Akko recovers first, only because she can't find the capacity to cry any longer.

But Diana, who has been storing up her tears for most of her life, still can't bring herself to stop now.

Akko lays kisses across her skin, from the top of her forehead down the sides of her face, her cheeks, her neck, all the way down to her heart. The scar on her chest is visible beneath her nightgown and Akko kisses it many times.

"You're not damaged," Akko murmurs against her skin. "You're perfect, Diana. To me, if no one else."

Her wife sobs again, but it's less harsh this time. Diana's heart rate has slowed a little by now, and her shaking has subsided.

But still, Akko won't let her go. She hugs her, kisses her, whispers to her again and again.

"It's not your fault... Nothing's your fault... I love you, Diana..."

Her words are like spells of their own, in the sense that they work like magic.

They allow Diana to believe.

She believes in those words just as she believes in Akko.

The guilt and grief still remain, thick and hard in her stomach. But as her heart beats, it sends out something that numbs the pain now rather than adds to it.

Akko knows it's going to take time. A lot of time. But she'll stand through it all with Diana.

Diana continues to cry into her wife's neck, her shirt now saturated. Akko curls her arms around Diana's back until she stops shaking, and the sobs become quiet little hiccups.

She can still feel Diana's heart against hers, and she counts every beat, waiting for it to slow down.

She waits until Diana's breathing has deepened. The exhaustion of it all has taken its toll on Diana once again. Akko is certain she's slipped into unconsciousness.

But when she shifts her arms, Diana flinches and makes another sound of pain. Akko rubs her shoulders and back firmly.

"Diana...?"

A wave of panic shakes Akko through. She quickly dips her head down to listen to Diana's pulse. It's happened before, when her heart had suddenly acted up, sometimes for apparently no reason at all. But the extreme stress of this situation could very easily have a negative affect on her.

Diana whimpers again, and a sharp gasp flies from her lungs. Her heart trembles and beats hard.

Akko knows it is the sorcerer. Or rather, the aftereffects of his poison that are still lurking in Diana's bloodstream. That poison can still hurt her to some degree.

Akko growls in defiance and holds Diana closer.

" _Havenna Marote!_ "

It isn't a spell, more of a prayer. A warding off of evil. She doesn't need her wand for it.

It is merely something she shouts at whatever evils are trying to harm the one she loves most dearly.

There is anger in her voice, the dripping fury of one protecting what is most precious to them.

For a split second, Diana is still in her arms.

And then it's over.

The pain melts away from where Diana had been feeling it, stabbing at her chest and stomach. It vanishes, and she sobs with relief.

Akko feels her weight go limp, but she holds Diana up, steadying her.

"Diana?"

Her heart rate returns to its usual pace, and her breathing becomes less labored now. Akko leans back to look her over.

Diana's eyes are closed and her shoulders are limp. But her tears still drip down, and her lips still tremble. Gently, Akko kisses them.

"Diana...?"

And Diana hears her wife calling for her. She doesn't want to leave Akko just yet.

So she fights her way back to consciousness, grasping at intangible strings to pull herself back up. Her eyelids flutter, and her vision blurs into focus.

"A...kko..."

"Diana!" Akko hugs her for a long moment, swallowing hard as the cathartic sensation washes over her, almost cleansing. "Thank goodness... thank goodness..."

For a few minutes, she simply breathes with Diana, and lets their hearts thrum up against one another.

Akko pets through her hair and kisses her as much as she can. She isn't quite sure how to ask what she wants to ask next. But she has to inquire about it somehow.

Akko eases back again to seek her eyes.

"Diana... d-does it still hurt? Your heart?"

Of course she knows Diana will always be pained by her inability to bear them a child. But Akko is asking about the other kind of pain, the kind that could immediately endanger her life.

Diana understands. There is still sadness lingering in her eyes, but it is far outweighed by kinder things.

"No," she says. "The pain is gone, at least from the poison."

Akko gulps.

"T-Then... is there other pain...?"

Diana curls one hand across her stomach.

"I was ill earlier... that is all."

Akko lets out a long breath.

Poison can't be cured quite so easily. But stomach pains from being sick aren't so bad.

"Okay... Is... Are you sure that's all...?"

Another wave of guilt sweeps through Akko. She wishes she could ease more of Diana's pain somehow. She wishes she could take away all the guilt she knows she's still feeling.

But Diana wants her to know something.

Lightly, she cups either side of Akko's face and searches for her eyes until she finds them.

"Akko..."

Just her voice alone, saying her name like that, makes Akko tear up all over again. But the tears don't sting quite as much this time.

For the first time since all of this had started, there is a small smile on Diana's lips now. She kisses Akko's brow, and holds her gaze.

"I... _We_ will be all right."

And that's all Akko needs to hear.

She knows now that Diana has accepted all of this. Though it will continue to cause her pain and grief, she won't blame herself for it.

Akko won't blame herself, either. They'll make their way through this fog of sorrow together.

Day by day. Step by step. Inch by inch.

Somehow, they'll get through it together.

Akko reflects Diana's smile as more tears tumble down her cheeks. But her chestnut eyes are shining in the darkness, and a bit of that light reflects in the blue of Diana's gaze as well.

"Yeah..." Akko sniffles and nuzzles her cheek against Diana's. "We'll be all right..."

It isn't going to be easy, trying to live through tomorrow and the rest of their lives with this in the backs of their minds. There will always been pain from this, there will always be guilt and grief.

But they will try to lessen those feelings with better ones. Somehow.

If it's with each other, they know they'll make it through. No matter how long it may take.

Akko leans in closer to her wife, but pauses, waiting.

Diana doesn't avoid the chance to kiss her. She takes it without a second thought.

So Akko kisses back, with all the love in her heart and then some.

When they part, Diana's breath is on her lips.

"Akko... I..." But her fatigue is fighting for her conscious once again. Her eyes fall shut without her consent, but still, Diana fights. "A-Akko..."

"Shh..." Akko kisses her cheek. "Hold on."

She picks up both their wands and places them up on the sink for now.

Then, Akko gathers Diana into her arms and staggers to her feet. Her legs tremble a little but she doesn't sway. She keeps Diana securely in her arms as she walks back into their bedroom. Morning light is beginning to leak in, filling every inch of the room in golden warmth.

Akko brings Diana back to their bed and lays her down. She pulls the blankets up over her, then crawls in beside her.

As the light trickles into the room, it envelopes them both in rays of hope for tomorrow. For today.

Akko kisses her wife's cheek again, lying close to her. She rests one hand against Diana's sore stomach and rubs in circles.

Diana lets out another shuddering breath, then swallows. Her eyelids flutter, and her eyes seek chestnut once again.

"Akko..."

"Don't apologize again," Akko murmurs, stroking over her navel. "Please. You don't have to."

Diana smiles again.

"It was not my intention to," she breathes. "I merely realized... I never replied to you... earlier..." She smiles. One more tear slips down her cheek, traces down to her temple, and then vanishes. "I love you, too, Akko."

They always tell each other before they fall asleep.

A sob blurts out from Akko's smile as well.

"I love you, Diana..."

And Diana goes first.

Akko watches over her as her eyelids fall shut, and her breathing becomes slow. The pulse beneath her palm softens, and Akko prays the pain does as well. She kisses Diana's lips one last time, then curls up beside her, never breaking the embrace.

It's going to take time to ease the pain.

They will have to learn how to accept the things they have lost, the things they can never have, and appreciate them instead through the things they _do_ have.

It's going to take time.

But they'll get there.

They always do.

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: This is very heavy stuff, and it might be the most painful thing Akko and Diana have suffered through in this AU, in some regard. But I just hope I could explain what they might be going through well enough. Either way, not even something as major as this is going to bring them down.
> 
> Once again, I had Diana's apologies go from contraction-free "I am sorry" to "I'm sorry" which indicates she's let her guard down around Akko only.
> 
> Please leave comments or kudos!


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